Dream Boy

this is not a return. i am still inactive. i'm in the middle of my fourth semester of biomedical engineering at school. i am by no means "back on DA."

since i've come home for break, i've been plagued by vivid dreams - mostly, nightmares. at school, i don't even remember my dreams for the most part, and the ones i do remember are mostly harmless. these dreams are different. these dreams consume me, bewilder me, and when i wake, haunt me.

last night's dream was the worst of all, but the best of all. i met a boy, and he was beautiful. he was sweet and funny and loving and simply beautiful. i fell in love. i knew it was wrong - i have a boyfriend already. he wanted me to go for it anyway. i wanted to go for it anyway. but i knew i couldn't betray my boyfriend like that. but i loved this beautiful boy, and it frightened me.

he haunted me throughout the dream, and at the end, he alluded to his own death. when i woke, i still felt the rush of emotion and held his name on my tongue. now, i only have a fleeting memory of how it felt, and i can't pin his name. asher? ambrose? madison? mason? it's getting fuzzy. i know, when i return to my bed tonight, it'll all be vague and cluttered, and soon the memory will be replaced by whatever phantoms come to me tonight.

it's a cruel thing, to feel so strongly and have it not even be real. i can't help but wonder what it could mean. i ache to go back to sleep so i can see more, feel more, and understand.